'So this is how it feels like to be such a fool.' She thought, as she looked at her best friend, who was happily talking and flirting with the 'love of his life.' And now what was she to do? Time had flown by as she prayed to the Lord that this would only be a 'fling' like the rest had been. His past relationships were all short, none of them reaching past a month. This girl here, Naoko... She was something different. Both Usagi and Mamoru knew it, and so Mamoru held onto her... Her prayer had been unheard, for before she knew it, he was gone on Naoko. Taking her out to movies, expensive dinners, picnics, and the fabled 'walk on the beach.' He was in love with her, and from what Usagi had heard from Motoki, Naoko returned the feeling, ten-fold. Usagi despondently looked down at her pasta, which was half-eaten and half- picked at. Was this how she was going to spend the rest of her life doing? Watching *him* from afar, wondering when he would finally realize that Usagi was truly the love of his life, and not the new girl of the month... She was so confused. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say, what to think.... 'Mamo-chan...' she whispered softly, unhearing from the couple across the table from her, looking at each other so lovingly. 'I love you...' ~~~ When you love someone so deeply They become your life It's easy to succumb overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imagined I could Keep you under glass Now I understand to hold you I must open my hand And watch you rise Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly I have learned that beauty Has to flourish in the light Wild horses ride unbridled Or their spirit dies You have given me the courage To be all that I can And truly feel your heart will Lead you back to me when you're Ready to land Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly I can't pretend these tears Aren't overflowing steadily I can't prevent this hurt from Almost overtaking me But I will stand and say goodbye For you'll never be mine Until you know the way it feels to fly Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly So flutter through the sky Butterfly Spread your wings and fly Butterfly (Butterfly - Mariah Carey) ~~~ Lonely Lonely Heart Chapter 2 By Lelu and Eternal Angel ETLCHSIEH@aol.com, Usako9@hotmail.com http://cherryblossoms.cjb.net/ ~~~ He had left her again, sitting in the booth of the restaurant. Alone. He had gone off with Naoko, chatting and smiling, without giving a second thought to Usagi. ****Flashback**** 'Usa-ko', he had said to her, 'Do you mind if Naoko and I leave early tonight? We have *plans* for later tonight.' Usagi had winced. 'Plans, Mamo-chan?' she had calmly said. 'What kind?' Playing innocent had always worked before. 'Usa,' he had said warningly, 'that's none of your business.' She had gasped, eyes wide, her pink little mouth in an 'O' shape. 'Mamo-chan!' He had sighed. 'Gomen, Usa-ko. Anyway, we're going to leave. Don't wait up for me!' ****End flashback**** 'Don't wait up for me...' Those words were ringing in her head, as she sat in the booth, her hands coming up to rub her arms. She was wearing a sleeve-less dress, in hopes that Mamoru would notice her. He hadn't. The lovesick fool was gone on Naoko, and Usagi knew it. Naoko was beautiful. She was intelligent, sophisticated, and liked by everyone. Even Usagi had wished that she had met Naoko on a different level. She knew that they would've have become great friends, had it not been for the fact that Mamoru was dating her. 'Don't wait up for me...' How many times had she heard those lines? And for how many different reasons? They lived together, yes, but when was the last time that Mamoru had actually been home when Usagi went to sleep? She thought hard. 'About...2 weeks ago?' She gave a sad smile. 'And to think that we used to play games before we went to bed. It was a tradition, Mamo-chan...One that we had to break because of her...' Shaking her head, Usagi slid out of the booth, and walked out of the revolving doors, heading for home. Mamoru was having the time of his life. He and Naoko had gone to see a movie together, and they were having a blast. Except for one little thing. Mamoru had guilt running through his veins. Not much but still enough to make him feel bad. 'I shouldn't have snapped at her,' he thought sorrowfully, as he imagined her hurt little face, looking at him disbelievingly. 'After-all, it wasn't her fault...' Naoko had turned in her seat, ready to ask Mamoru a question about the movie. The words died in her throat, as she noticed the melancholy look on his face. 'It's Usagi again, I know it is...Sometimes I think that those two are too close, but...I have him, and he loves me, and so I shouldn't doubt him.' Satisfied with her way of thinking, she sat back comfortably in her seat, and enjoyed the rest of the movie. ****Usagi and Mamoru's Apt. 1:27AM**** Mamoru quietly turned the lock to open the door that would lead him inside of the apartment. He shut the door, and turned on a light, so he would not run into anything in the dark. Hanging his coat on the rack, he shuffled inside of the room, walking towards his door. First, however, he opened the door to Usagi's room to check on her. Mamoru had, however, forgotten that the hallway light was still on, and the light poured into her room, some settling on her face, and she woke up. "Mamo...Mamo-chan?" Came a sleepy voice. "Hai, Usa-ko. It's me." Usagi blinked and rubbed at her eyes. "Mamo-chan...What do you want?" She turned over to look at the clock. "Nani ten yo?! (What, are you crazy?) It's nearly 1:30 AM! A girl needs her sleep, Mamoru, regardless of-" She would have continued to rant, despite her sleepy stage, until a warm hand covered her mouth. She instantly shut her mouth. "Usa-ko...Gomen." Her large blue eyes blinked once. "Fooo whooot, Amo-fan?" Mamoru lifted his hand from her mouth, and Usagi again said, "For what, Mamo-chan?" His dark blue eyes looked at her, sorrowfully. "For snapping at you when we were at the restaurant, Usa-ko. I really didn't mean to, and I know that you didn't deserve it, so-" He was cut off by a light kiss on the cheek. "Mamo-chan," Usagi whispered, lovingly, "Don't worry about it. I was too nosy, anyway. Whatever you do with Naoko," she had turned her head away, so he wouldn't notice her eyes darken, "is none of my business, anyway. So cheer up, Mamo-chan, and, "she said, in a light tone, "get out of my room! I need my beauty sleep!" Mamoru stared at her disbelievingly, before standing up, and bending over to give her a light kiss on her forehead. "Usa-ko," he whispered tenderly, "You don't need anymore beauty sleep." He turned and sauntered out of the room, leaving a wide-eyed Usagi staring after him. She touched her forehead ever so gently - she never felt such an amazing feeling arose in her before - He had done it before, so many times, but the fact that he also called her beautiful - it was pure ecstasy. "Mamo-chan..." she called off, her eyes looking at where he once stood. "I love you..." But that phrase was just empty words - for they never reached him. They only got lost within the space that separated them. The memory of happiness disappeared, as all she could hear was her heart slowly breaking, as reality had slapped across the face hard. "But you will never..." She curled up in a ball. She wasn't able to sleep anymore. ~~~ Makoto stared at her depression stricken friend - "Usagi, you just got to give this up! I can't let you continue this... it's hurting you to much." Her friend's voice was desperate, so raw and full of emotions, mostly sympathy for her. Usagi looked up, her blue eyes looked at Makoto's solidly as she spoke two words. "I can't." Her voice was strong, as the brunette shook her head, cutting up some onions. Today was a special day - she was to make a banquet of food for her friend, and help her digest it... "Does he even know what today is?" Usagi nodded, surely. He would not forget it, for it had been he who had circled the date in red, a week or two ago. It was in red marker, around the day '30' in the month of June. Surely he knew, for it had been a day that they always shared together. "He'll remember. He never forgets." Makoto shook her head, as she began to sauté the onions, as she began to add some mushrooms into the mixture. "Wait a sec, let me go get the mail." Usagi bounced off, happily going on the elevator down towards the lobby, as she picked up Mamoru and her mail. She looked though it, as an envelope with her name on it made her heart beat faster. The return address was from France. Usagi ran towards her apartment, as she swung the door open. "Makoto! Look, it's that internship that Rei-chan and you told me to sign up for..." She said, as Makoto grabbed the letter from her hands and tore it open. Makoto shrieked. "Usagi! You got in! You are going to France for a whole two years!!" After the second jump, she finally thought of something. She would not be able to see Mamoru for two years. How could she survive? How would he survive? (Ll: blind love...) Usagi made up her mind. "This internship thing - it isn't for me." Makoto froze, her eyes looking up at the blond who sunk onto a stool. "I like what I have here... I have you, V-chan, and Rei-chan.... and there is also-" "Mamoru?! Kami, Usagi! Everything you do, is always because of him! He has Naoko for god sakes! You can't always do this! Without him knowing it, he is controlling every move you make! You have denied so many relationships... you could, for all I know, be married by now if you haven't stuck to your ways. I'm not trying to say anything, just that I don't want you to waste your dream because of him... I know how much you want to be with him, but I also know your wanting to be a famous fashion designer. This is YOUR big break Usa! Think about it!" "But you, V-chan, Re..." "Remember, you'll have Ami. You encouraged her when she had that same dilemma, and said that friend's can always keep in touch. Why can't YOU?" Usagi felt her throat restrict, "I'll think about it... but now I have..." the phone interrupted her mid sentence as she picked it up. "Moshi moshi, Chiba/Tsukino residence." "Usako," the voice made her heart melt, "I won't be home today until late. It's Naoko's and mine's two month anniversary." "But, Mamo-chan, it's my..." The dial tone responded. "Birthday." she had finished up as she burst into tears in her friend's arms. ~~~ He came home around eleven... not as late as usual, he had noted. The main lights were dimmed as he walked about so casually, taking off his tuxedo shirt. "Usa-ko..." he called out his friend's name. No reply. He looked around, as he concluded, 'Hmm... She must be in her room.' He knocked gently and entered the room. "Hey Usa-ko." She looked up at him, not knowing what to say. What was she to say, 'Ohh Mamo-chan, you just missed my birthday.'? That was something that she had not wanted to say. "Hi," she replied simply, as he looked at her strangely. She noticed as his eyes roamed around the room, and when they locked with the beautiful boutique of long stem red roses. Those were her favorite flowers because they symbolized a deep and eternal love. "Who gave you the roses?" "Rei-chan." She bluntly replied. "She lives in the Jubban district - she's the Shinto pr-" "The Shinto priestess? Yeah, I remember. I thought she only sent you flowers on your birthda..." His voice was lost as she buried herself within the piles of blankets that surround her. "Your birthday... it was your birthday...?" Out of all the occasions, he just had to miss her birthday. Her birthday had always been a sore spot in her heart - for it was the day that her mother had left her. He remembered hearing her talk about it, on the first birthday he celebrated with her, the mist of depression always surrounded her whenever she talked, thought about it. And now, he couldn't help but think he had done exactly what her mother had done. Abandoned her. "Gomen nasai Usa-ko..." She had heard that phrase too much. Everything was now, "I'm sorry, gomen ne... gomen nasai..." she couldn't help and wonder if any of them were true, or just petty words to make her feel as if he cared. "Mamo-chan... I want to go to sleep. Leave me alone." He felt so taken back. 'Leave me alone.' She had never said such words, and if she had, she always said it so delicately. But could he blame her? This was their day. The day they would spend together to wipe away the thoughts of the past that was in her mind. 'But even those days have been wiped away also...' Usagi thought bitterly. "Usa-ko..." "Please. Mamoru," he flinched, "I don't want to speak with you." "But, Usa-ko-" "Mamoru," she looked up at him, her eyes large in the darkness. "You left me...How could you leave me?" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore...Nothing ever does when it comes to you." "Us-" "Leave. I want you to leave." The sharpness of her voice, the tension in the room... He blinked back the tears that had come up during her speech. Obeying her wishes, he walked out of the room, leaving her to cry herself to sleep for yet the second time this week. ~~~ The sweet aroma of pancakes filtered her lungs as she felt her mind pull her away from the wonders of the dream world and back into reality. She stretched, as she pulled herself up from her bed. 'Could it be Mamo-chan cooking?' She shook her head. Of course not. He would be off, happily talking and going out with Naoko, instead of being here with her. It must be Makoto then, she always knew how to mend her broken heart. She trudged herself into the kitchen, "Hey Mako-chan." She then took a good look 'Mako-chan... 'I never knew she had short black hair... and is an exact replica of Mamoru...' "Mako-chan?" he grumbled, "Oh I see how it is. Just cause a guy is in an apron doesn't mean he is a girl... just take Motoki for example!" Usagi looked at him, keeping her guard up. She was still wary about last night. "What are you doing home? Shouldn't you be... out? You always are, nowadays." It was not meant for him to hear the last sentence, but he did. The words stung him, as he looked at her, "What's wrong with me being here?" She shook her head. "Nothing... it's just that you usually just go home to sleep, shower, change, and then you leave." He stared at her dumbfound. Had he neglected his best friend for so long? The girl that was practically a sister to him? (ea: a sister?!! Hmph!!) He tried to find the voice in his throat, "Well, today is different. Today is a Mamo-Usa day! Now, go wash up!" She stared at him, slowly mouthing the same words, 'Mamo-Usa.' "Well, what are you waiting for Usa-ko? Get moving! We got lots of places to go." Slowly, disbelievingly, she turned around to head to the bathroom. 'Mamo-chan...it's a nice gesture, demo...It still hurts.' ~~~ It was but a perfect day, and, as promised, everything was just the two of them (and no Naoko ^^). They sat in the arcade, talking as Motoki served them saying, "Just like old days..." Mamoru couldn't help but feel the arousing guilt rise inside of him. Had he really changed that much? Had he neglected her so? He looked at her, guilt from the day before came running back.. "How about every week we do this? Every Thursday is a Mamo-Usa day." She agreed, although in the far corner of her brain, she knew that this tradition, just like the others, probably would not stay for long. ~~~ Ahh... this would have been done quicker if I weren't so busy... Hehehe... anyhow, email is good! ::sniff sniff:: I haven't been getting much... except for those Spam mails (which I so much hate!) Anyhow, love ya lots! *eternal angel So, what did you guys think? I just got back from my field trip to D.C. last night, and I was working on this. I have a *huge* bruise on my knee, 'cause my teacher...he beat me with a spoon for being bad. Just kidding. I fell, 2 times in two days. Once, at the State building, 'cause I was trying to get a picture of Med. Dev. (a code name) for my friend, and the next day at Arlington Cemetery...I fell, both times, on the same knee. The right one. ::WAAAHHH!!!:: Anyway, like EA said, e-mail is good. Lelu