040600 Between the death of Selenity and Endymion, and the birth of Chiba Mamoru and Tsukino Usagi, there was a thousand years of nothingness.... Or was there? The will of the gods do not permit suicide... And now in death Selenity must pay the price of her mistake... Endymion stays with his beloved, only to find that it's him that is truly getting punished. ~~~ ima futari wa deai toki wo koete yume wo miru...... haikyo no naka de kimi wo mitsuketa furueru kata wa katakuna de...... sekai wa nido mo kowarete shimai erabareta futari dake ga...... yoru no yamima no zawameki ni obieru kimi wo dakishimeru yo yokotawaru matenrou fukinukeru kaze ni nosete kuchibue no REKUIEMU wo...... itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatta jidai wa yasuraida YUUTOPIA sa...... totemo fushigi sa konna kimochi wa mae ni dokoka de atta yo ne...... kioku no ito wo taguriyosetara inishie no mori no miyako aoi mangetsu ni terasarete futari wa tsurai koi ni ochita kimi wo tsurete nigeta yoru wa setsunaku tsumetaku nagareboshi kazoekirezu itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatte mo kitto kimi no koto sagasu darou...... yokotawaru matenrou fukinukeru kaze ni nosete kuchibue no REKUIEMU wo...... itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatta jidai wa...... ~~~ Toki wo Koete: Cross Over Time By Eternal Angel Usako9@hotmail.com http://cherryblossoms.cjb.net I One Loneliness Darkness I Can't See Cold No warmth Emptiness I Can't Feel Happiness A joke Only Sadness I Can't Breath So enclosed So alone So painful I Can't Stand it Confusion Heartbreak Nothingness I Can't Fell Myself Anymore... "The first love... So often, it ends in failure. I'm waiting for a sad ending. In this age, there are many people who have become unable to act with simple kindness. That's sad... I am broken-hearted, with deep wounds. But if there was a girl who's heart was broken in the same way, I would comfort her softly. And then, thinking of her feelings, I would cry. Such pure girls are the kind I love." - Mamoru (Monologue from "In Another Dream"). ~~~ Act 1 : Death Your eyes, that's what I saw before I died. Your crystal clear blue eyes that made me find completion and happiness in even the most dreadful moments. I was able to save you from the awful fate that was to lie before me. I was complete. Throughout my whole life, there was nothing that I cherished more than the girl that possessed such a pure heart. Your smile, your laughter, and everything had always brought simple joy to my heart. In my years of living, I never felt completely alive until I met you. I was smiled at, kissed, hugged, and so very pleased at the feeling you gave me... I was loved. Horror was on your face was all I could feel myself leave my body. A shell it was now, as I began floating away. "I love you Selenity..." I couldn't help but say. I stood, a spirit, a ghost, so close to you but so out of reach. I missed you already. My mind began to reel. I'm dead. I'm gone - now who will protect you? Who will comfort you? Of course you have your senshis, but there wa still the subject of love... The fact that you might find another boggles my mind. My insides become a knot - I can bear it if you replace me. I didn't want you to forget me. You look up at me, or where I was, your sad eyes filled with tears. Crystal droplets of bittersweet heartache that escaped the pool of deep bright blue. I wanted to wipe them all away, to kiss them one by one and tell you 'I'm here" that I'll always be here, no matter what. But I don't exist. I *don't* exist anymore. You look away. You are upon the ground caressing my lifeless body. "I can't live without you..." you softly say, as I could feel somewhat reassured that the memory of me would not leave your mind... it would live forever in your soul. You kiss my dead hands and softly continued on talking, "I want to be with you." You grab a hold of my sword, which was discarded a couple feet away from us. Blood of youmas that I had killed on my way up to the moon was faintly stained on it. You looked at blade mesmerized. You run your finger on the blade as a faint line was formed by the sharpness of the blade. Red escaped from it. Blood. Sensing the sharpness, you hold onto the sword more tightly as you pierced your heart with the sword. I sobbed. This was not to happen. You were supposed to stay alive. You were supposed to live. I cry. You smile. Your lifeless body then fell on top of mine. I heard the screams of your senshis. The heartbroken cry of your mother... And... Your smile. I am in remorse. There was no longer any hope. Your mother in the pillar as death surrounded her. Your senshis killed by their loves - my generals. Everything was now ending, a closure to everything. This could have been prevented if you had not killed yourself, there would have been hope... there would have been... It's my entire fault. If I had been strong I could have sustained my life to stay by your side and prevent something such as this to happen. If I was stronger, you would not have stolen your life, a life that could have held much beauty ahead of it, a life that could have been filled with other pictures of love, not only mine. I have failed you my princess, I have failed you Selenity... And now, all I could give to you are my ghostly tears that are not even real. ~~~ Bright, everything was so bright... I could feel my soul become purified, as the scars, the pain, it disappeared. It was replaced by warmth. I bathed the warmth, as I could almost feel complete... Almost. I did not have you by my side; to have you not close to me was torture... to be unable to feel you... I did not like it one bit. I felt lost, frustrated, confused. "Endymion..." a voice called out to me, I feel drawn, as I look around for the source of the voice. I only see the blinding light that surrounds me and heals me. "Endymion..." "Who are you?" I firmly asked, as a deep chuckle came from the voice, "Prince Endymion of Earth, you are demanding. I am one of the many gods that created this universe - created you. We have seen you protect earth and the people on it as well as you could - but to our distress, the power of the darkness was to strong for you to fight alone. You have pleased us, as we want you to be reborn and come to the throne again and ban off this evil." I am in complete shock at this. The gods have favored me a lot to give me a chance to regain my planet. I would have agreed eagerly if it were not the memory for you. The memory of our love - the memory of your death. "But what of Selenity? Will she be reborn? Am I not bonded to her?" "Your bond with her is not thick, nor will it last another life time for you to be lovers again. You still have that string that brings you two together to cross paths, but you two would never have the love that you had before..." We can never have the love that we had before... I do not... I will not believe that. As long as I can remember, I will never *ever* forget our love. It had changed me, caused me to become this person that the gods have respected. "We would only cross paths?" "The bonds that you have formed in your previous life would stay with you into the next life, and possibly the life after. You would meet, possibly becomes friends, date each other for a short period of time, hate each other, become siblings or even just acquaintances, but that is all... Selenity might have been able to be your soul mate, but..." "But?" My mind is reeling. How can we not be together? How can death pull us apart? It is but torture to the thought that you and me were never truly meant to be. "Selenity has broken the will of the gods." "How?" "She has committed suicide. We had created life, created destiny, created fate. We choose when one lives or dies. We decide what should happen to a person. But she had broken that rule. She has taken her life away; she has destroyed what we had created. And with that, she must be punished." My heart sinks inside my chest. A punishment you should have for wanting to be together with me. You have killed and shamed yourself just to be together with me, but in the end, we still are unable to be together. The gods were cruel. "There must be some other way, she died because of me. Her punish is because of me... can I not be together with her when she repays her dept?" A heavy sigh escapes from the god as I a wait for his answer. "We knew you were to say this to us, we can not stop this, but we have to warn you. If you do this, you would be bonded in eternity with her. You will never love another at all. Your whole life would be an ongoing mission to find her, and be with her." To be with you for all eternity... Those words pierced into my head. That's what I wanted to do, that's why I believe I exist for... to be with you. "I agree." "Endymion, you are a fool," the god had replied, as I felt a soft flow around. Emotions filled him as it multiplied. Not only did I feel myself, I felt... you. I have never felt the intensity of something like this as I do right now. "You must stay with Selenity... but she is not the same as you knew her. She is in own world now, where only happiness and peace lives. She will not know you. A part of this punishment that she is receiving is forgetting... "To most people, suicide is to escape the pain. They believe that it is the only way to get away from the pain. She died because she was in heartache from losing you. Although it was only minutes that she felt that pain, the memory will haunt her so long. She will spend a thousand years in the state that she is in to sooth away all the pain that caused her to kill herself so the memory will not haunt her in her next life, causing her to repeat her actions." As I hear the gods themselves talk about your pain, I feel that part in my stomach wince at me. I cannot believe I caused you this much pain and suffering.... I knew that being bonded with you for eternity was my only way to repay you for all the pain that you been through because of me. The bright light began to dim as I was taken to a different place. A place made from your dreams. ~~~ Act 2 : Punishment I prepare myself for the worst... a punishment you were force into, and I cannot help but feel ever so guilty for causing such an act to happen. And now, a stand, in a valley of beautiful greenness as the bright sun shinned with illuminating colors. Everything was so picturesque... so perfect, as my eyes look around as my lungs get intoxicated with the scent of flowers. Lilies, iris... and roses... My eyes are locked upon a house in the middle of this dreamlike place. There were a river of colors; it was so exotic, so beautiful. Innocents wrapped around every single object here... reminding me so much of you. Did I dare come near to it? I would, I am. I fear nothing as long as it is to be with you. The home seemed small and cozy, as beautiful cherry blossom tress shielded it from the hot sun's rays. This was how you always wanted things to be. No titles, no formality, just a home where you can sit in bliss. I take a deep breath. I could not picture you in a punishment while you bathe in the beauty of the innocent surroundings. But I cannot help but be thrilled that your punishment has not been cruel, painful... There was something odd though, what was I missing? The god had clearly said that she was in a punishment... I was just utterly confused. I shake off the forsaken feeling and walk up to your home. I wonder how you were - Were you still the same? Did you still smile as bright? Laugh so silvery. Look so beautiful. Talk so singsong. Act so unselfishly? But mostly- Did you still love me? My hand lands upon the door softly, yet hard enough to make a thud at every hit. And to my happiness and joy, the door opened slowly, revealing an angel (I wondered where you had put your wings and halo) - you. I star at you in awe. You were still the same, although I never did expect you to change. You were still a beauty so sweet to eyes. Your pale rosy skin that turned a deep colored red whenever you blushed. Your flushed lips, always so kissable - so wanting... your silvery hair, almost as white as snow, yet it was tinted with the grayish color. I was complete now that I found you. And in my heart I knew my choice was right- I have chosen the path that would lead me to eternity. I cannot help but feel so happy to know that you will be mine forever, and there is no doubt about that. I speak up, trying to find the words for this reacquainted love, but my voice slips and all I really can say is, "Selenity"... your name. I was so drawn to you, you were like an addicted drug I cannot help but want to touch - that I wanted to love. Your gaze was lock upon mine, as you don't reply back... you only stare at me intently, looking into my soul. I let you look. You already know what is in it. Darkness, power, and love. Love for you and forever for you. So long ago, I had my fortune looked by a gypsy, her words had shocked me so long ago. She had told me, "Prince Endymion of Earth, you eyes they are so dark. They show no emotions. As if you are a man of steel... where is your heart? So much darkness - what has happened? If it continues, you will become so cruel - and your kingdom will fall because of that." Her words had shocked me, but that was before I met you. You changed me. You made me the person I am today. Loving, compassionate - I cannot but help but thank you for that. I stare at you, so entranced at the fact that you are right there! Right in front of me! You snap out of the lock, as you gaze at me in surprise and uncertainties. "Nani? I'm sorry, but... I don't think we ever met before... uhh..." you look at me, pondering my name as my world has come crashing down onto me. Please say this is a joke. I waited for you for a second, maybe you were joking, or this was some paradox world where the gods have played trickery to me. But time slowly went by as the truth sunk in. You did not know me. You did not know me. You didn't know who I was. My heart sinks. You turn away from me, a smile still lingering on your lips. "It is really such a wonder to meet you Endymion. I do hope you find this 'Selenity' that you are looking for, although it is not me." I wanted to scream. Damn it! I am looking for you. I want you! I want to just break down and cry at the idiocy that I have gone through. I walk out, away from you. Our love, so precious, so pure, but to you it has not meant a thing. You have forgotten its deepness once in death. You forgotten it's meaning. You had forgotten me... I sob. I was broken in a crumbled heap onto the ground. How could this be? You died to be with me, but was it just a simple act of insanity for the moment? Did you really act blindly? Did you even love? Or was it just a simple infatuation that had you blinded for the short time. I cannot but love and hate you at the same time. I know I can never truly hate you, but why? Why must you forget me like this? Hurt me - break me apart. If I have known, I would have never agreed to bind myself to you for the rest of eternity. Bind myself to someone that truly does not love unconditionally, unlike I. "Endymion, you are the one that is blind, the one that does not understand." A voice said, as he looked around, a figure from the darkness appeared. It was but the god who condemned me a choice of Selenity or my planet. My fatal choice was Selenity. A mistake I might add. He shook his head at me. "I hear all, I know all." He said, indicating to me that he was able to hear my thoughts, the wickedness that dreaded Selenity at the moment. "You don't understand the pain that Selenity has been put through, instead, you accused her of such a precocity!" His voice was angered as smoothness took over it. "But I cannot help but blame you. You don't understand... Selenity has not forgotten you purposely, but you are purposely blocked in her mind. She loves you, more than you even love her!" I wanted to complain back, to say 'if so why does she not know me?' why do you not know me? But nothing comes out of my mouth. "Her punishment is to forget. To forget the pain... to forget you." I stand, shaken, surprised, and so full of goddamn self-hate for myself. I raved on about how you did not love me, but the truth was you loved me so much but this love has only caused you so much pain! "She lives in her own world now, she's happy this way. She does not have to remember that you were killed protecting her. How she killed herself... how her mother died because of her mistake... and how she brought down the most beautiful kingdom of all time." I dare not to look at the god. I am unworthy of such an honor. I had doubted you - The person with the heart of gold. I am unworthy. How could I have done such a thing? I had forsaken you, doubted you, thought the worst of you, when it is I that was the one that hurt you in the first place... Oh Selenity... If only you knew... If only you knew... But you do not. You do not- And all I can really do is hang my head in shame and weep. ~~~ Act 3 : Reminiscing I watch you from afar. I am in too much self-hatred to come near you and bask in the glimmer you hold. I cannot believe I had accused you of such a thing. I take a deep breath, as I close my eyes. Everything was a mistake; everything was such a horrid mistake. I should never have agreed to bind out souls for all eternity. I did something so horrid and so... sinful to you. It is not you whose love is not deep enough, but I. I am not worthy enough for you love. I am not worthy enough for you love. I will cause you so much pain, so much suffering... I cannot help but shudder when I think about what I will cause you in the near future. You are purity, light, and the heart of everything. I am darkness. Unfazed, untainted darkness. "Selenity..." Your name meant calm, unruffled, tranquil.... Everything I am not. I am confused and in so much wonder. Why do you love me? Why do you love such a monster? I am a chameleon. I am everything you wanted because I willed you into thinking so. I am darkness. I am selfish. I thrived for your everything. Although I am not worthy of you, I am ever so happy to have you as my own for eternity. No other man will ever have you because you belong to me. Insane I might sound, but maybe I am. You can never love another, because we are bind in the soul. My memory will haunt, as it did when the witch horribly killed me. You will never be able to love another, be with another. You belong to me. Those words are like sweet ecstasy. Your heart, your mind, you body, it belongs to me. And everything you don't have to give I will get because you belong to me. I am joyous that I will be flourishing all these 'gifts'. I cannot help but feel like slapping myself. The way I am talking is scary. How could I think such a thing? Now I cannot help but know why it is forbidden for earth and the moon to have any contact with one another. Because of such darkness and evil that lives within us Terrains. I most of all - because I am but the prince. You mother was wise; she already knew about the evil, she turned away from it and banned everyone it also, knowing the horrid out come. You had sinned against your mother, against your kingdom once you stepped down to earth and met me. The Terrain's and Lunarian's was descended from Chaos, but were both of different halves. The Terrains were darkness, evil, and the core of Chaos. The Lunarian's was light, goodness, purity, and the glimmer around Chaos. If it were not for the hope and love that had formed with the birth of light and darkness, the Terrain race would have killed themselves off so long ago. We were easily lead into temptations. As the people of the moon looked further than the temptations and the light that was passed it. You always tried finding that light inside of me, I cannot help but believe that you had made it up. I do not know. You met me on mistake on your first visit on earth. You did not really want to met anyone, just wallow in the beauty and come back. It just so happened that you landed in my garden. You were curious how earth was like, after so many years of looking at it from the moon, you could not help be seek out the watery planet and see what was on it. The first time I saw you were gazing at my roses so wondrously. When my eyes met yours, I knew what I was to do. I was to have you. I sought you when I first saw you. I do not think it was love, but possibly lust. Your pureness that clouded around you made me want you even more. You just looked at me innocently, not knowing what to do. I was controlling. I would watch you as you talk to my generals, even getting quite jealous most of the time and then I would end up dragging you away as you look at me in confusion. I wouldn't let you leave me less than ten feet. When you did, I would scold at you, as you would look upon the ground sheepishly. Sometimes I wonder why you would put up with me, but then I knew why soon later - you loved me. It's so sad how love makes people so blind. I seduced you so many times, as I hate to admit such shame, but it is but the truth. I had taken you innocence away from you. I might not say it was rape, but you had no invoice on it. You were confused, so puzzled, as I took away your innocence, a beautiful gift, greedily. Although so much would happen, you always still thought fondly of me. And for that I am ashamed of myself. Mortified. Why did I do such a thing? I did not know, maybe it was because I had always loved that way. I had plenty of women, and they always wanted me to tell them what to do, they would stay with me, not letting a sheet of paper part us. But you were different. Your spirit was so wild and free... it had become a mission to restrain you, to make your wild spirit tame and mine. And now, within this punishment of yours that was inflicted by me, I cannot help but wonder if ever you find out the truth, would you hate me? You are not capable of hatred, at least I never seen such a thing happen before. You never truly hated someone, for your heart never had darkness in you for that to happen. But there is always another side to a person... I cannot help but hang my head low as tears began to fall like an endless river. If only there was an end... ~~~ Act 4 : Seasons Winter had past by every once and awhile as spring began to come into view. ~~~ Everything had become a cycle. Ongoing. Winter to spring. Spring to summer. Summer to autumn. Autumn to winter. Continuation. Never-ending. The emotions inside me were very thick. I watched you from afar, as the days seemed to pass by so gradually. I found enough courage inside of me to talk to you once again - for I wanted more then a glance from far away. I wanted to see you up close. To see your deep blue eyes fill with different emotions. To see your joyful face - I wanted to see you again. I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to touch you, and I wanted to kiss you - But that would go to far. I could never do anything that might stir up forgotten memories. It would be unacceptable, punishable, and unforgivable. You are here to forget. To forget what has happened, so that you will be reborn into living a happy life your next life... A life where you won't remember the pain. I approach you, as you sat underneath the cherry tree so entrance. You looked up and smiled at me. And so it began. ~~~ We never talked during those days. We always stayed quiet, sometimes I think you didn't notice me... but at least I was able to bask within your glimmer. And so the seasons continued to cycle. ~~~ It approach you, as you are sitting down ever so beautifully upon the ground underneath the cherry tree. Your silver hair was upon the ground, fanned out so elegantly and very majestic. Your blue eyes look up to me, the blue of a the most rarest jewel... "Hello, sit down," you say, as you pat the seat next to you. My throat restricts... you finally talked to me- Do you remember me? Do you know me? A part of me wishes that you would, to stop this ongoing heartache, yet another part of me wishes that you did not. For something as that to be would mean that you would also remember the pain, the never-ending misery that you had witness. I sit down, as you hold a book within your hand. Your writing stains it as you smile at me, and began to read an entry - a poem. "I want to see you. On nights that are a bit lonely, I close my eyes softly. Your chest is so warm when you embrace by back gently. Just by that warmth, I know it's you. You did stay by my side after all. You've always watched over me. It's kind of embarrassing, but burying my face... I slowly close my eyes, feeling filled with your warmth. The scent of the gentle sun. Even like this, I feel you near me. Hold me more, and tangle my hair. I like you... I like you a lot... I love you... Oh, but, I don't know any stronger words... How irritating. Wrapped in the soft scent of the sun, I can be very gentle... And being gentle, I can still persist and go on. I'm not strong. I'm... a careless, thoughtless girl, and I'll never be able to become well behaved... I'm just persevering, full of spirit. That's all... I'm not lonely. You're watching me. You'll hold me tight. So I'll be all right... On nights when the moon is so pretty I start wanting to cry, I close my eyes softly. I close my eyes softly. So... I'll be all right... ...I'll be all right. (Poem for Tsukino Usagi. Scenario and composition by Miura Kouji. Translated by Alex Glover.) You look at me, as I do not know what yo say. Was this poem about me? My head spun. I really did wish it were, for if it were, it would mean that you still loved me. You wanted me! You still thrived for me! I cannot help but feel so enriched by the thought of such a thing. "It was a beautiful poem," I managed out, as you smile at me. You give me one of those heart warming, soul completing, only from Selenity smiles. "Thank you." "Whom are you writing about?" You shrugged, as your eyes gaze far off, to a land that even I cannot reach. "A prince... A tuxedo prince with a top hat, a red lined cape, and red roses... and a Kaman. He saves me from all danger and he holds me so close in his arms... hmm... Tuxedo Kaman." You have a dreamy look on you as I concluded that I want to be this 'Tuxedo Kaman' in my next life. I want to be this prince of yours, this 'Tuxedo Kaman' as you happily described. If he gets so awed struck from you, it is only right that I be him... Because I am your prince. ~~~ You wrote a lot of poetry and enjoyed reading them to me. These were mostly about this 'Tuxedo Prince' of yours, and I cannot help become so jealous of him for capturing your heart like this. ** I wonder if - or whenever you learn about this all, would you dread me? Will you stop loving me but if you only knew about my sacrifices. I gave up so much for you. I had given away my planet, my kingdom, and my throne - just so that I can be with you. Everything was going to change so much in a thousand years. I will not even know of monarchy will still exist... But I am only making up excuses for you, and mostly for myself. I just want to believe that I had given so much up to make up for what you have been through. What you had to go through. How selfish of me... so dark... so... so... So like me to do. I sigh. I wish the pain of knowing that everything you are going through were my fault. I just wish everything would go away. I just want believe that I did not cause you so much pain... That I did no- But I did. I did do all this and so much more! I look around me, as the seasons pass by me once again. Spring had faded into summer. Summer had simmered down to autumn. Autumn cooled down and froze into winter. As spring once again came into view. The cycle started once again. And last for so much longer. (**Actually, he forgets that the Tuxedo and Kaman was his costume for the last dance they had together.) ~~~ Act 5 : Mistakes The days had lingered by so slowly, how bitter they were, at least for me. We lived in two different worlds. Yours the world of forgetfulness, and I of the world of memories. You did not, could not, and would not remember what had happen to us so long ago. In some ways I was glad because of that - but in other ways I was disappointed. You did not remember me. I remembered, and I did not, could not, and would not forget what has happened to us so long ago. I did not deserve the right to forget. I would live in the world were my memories was engraved in stone within my mind, always to endure the sweet days when we were alive. I would always find myself dawdling in the past. I always would recall sweet moments where we were together, bathing in each other's presence as if it was an addictive drug. We did not want to let go. And now, that would never happen. I was in fear of touching you, of holding you, of kissing you. It could cause you to remember. Or would it? I did not know, but what would the punishment be for something like that to happen? The god had once told me that the reason that you were here was to recuperate. So that in your next life you would not remember. I did not want you to remember. I did not want you to see the pain. The pain that you have been though that caused you to kill yourself. I closed myself, taking a deep breath. I lingered by your side, as you recite another one of your poems. They were of mask, silk dresses, tuxedos, and last kisses. I waved good-bye. I should go before I began to hunger for your love as I often did. ~~~ To think after all this time, I could be able to continue to handle this 'lust' this 'wanting' that was inside of me. I was so wrong. I hungered; I starved for your love, your everything. I wanted you Self-control was no longer a companion by my side. Lust had taken its place instead. At the sight of you, I knew that I wanted you. I wanted you so badly. But I shall not give in. I will not give in. And so another days goes bye. ~~~ How much can one man take without truly being with his love? The days were endless, but I told myself. Do not give in. Do not forsaken you. Do not... But there were too many 'do nots' that I would easily forget at the sight of you, and at your simplest action, I was able to forget all the morals that I had made for this period of time. ~~~ You smiled at me, greeting me with a smile as I nod. You looked incredibly beautiful - you always have. I looked at you, your face dignified and as I felt my head lose it. My hand moved so automatic - I had no real control anymore, as I pushed back a strand of hair that dangled out of place. Our bodies touched as I felt the electricity pass us. It was kismet. It was... So damn tempting. Your eyes looked up to mine, the deep blue that I drowned into. "Selenity..." My eyes traveled down your face... to your cute nose... and your mouth. Oh god, those kissable lips that always melted within touch... My arms wrapped around your waist as you looked at me, surprise, your breath ragged as my lips fell onto yours. I kissed you with all the passion, all the raw emotions, the wanting, and the longing that has been within me for so long. It had been so long since we have shared a kiss. I have longed, lusted, and wanted for so damn long! Your body melted into mine, as your arms wrapped around my neck. We are one, mouths entwine, tongues dancing - this kiss could last me for the rest of your punishment, it could keep me sane and give me enough will power - But I should have known that this kiss would be the biggest mistake for the rest of eternity because when we parted, you said the one thing that made my heart stop. "Endymion." ~~~ The significance of the word was so profound because it had only meant one thing. You remembered. Ignorant. Stupid. Insensitive... All words would describe me. I had let lust take over my head, causing emotions that were locked up tight to open, and cause you a period of revision were you were in so much depression. And now you lived in a world of only darkness and shadows. During this time, you cried a lot. You would look up at the moon, so longingly... I felt self-hatred rise. There was a transformation of the whole world around us - the world that you have created with the light that scintillates around you. Now, the world was so dark, so gloomy, as no sign of brightness, light could be found. You were in a coma of depression, as the god's words came into my mind. "Although it was only minutes that she felt that pain, the memory will haunt her so long." I wish to turn back the hands of time and erase this hideous mistake, but what is done is done. You stayed within my arms, never letting go. I believe you only feared that if you let go I would leave you... 'Die' on you and then leave you alone with no one. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I look at you, the state you are in even I cannot help. I try to sooth you, I try to make you happy again, but you are unhearing. You just would clutch me tighter. It was the memory of the moon kingdom, my death, your death, is constant on your mind. It is not you that broke the will of the gods, but I. I had caused you to forever have the memory of your death stay within you. The shameful death that caused you to be damned. Now it is forever in your mind. Days go bye slowly... Day in, day out... You still never let go. You are too afraid to let go. You are so broken, so full of heartache as you softly call out to the moon, telling it to let you forget. You will never forget. I had brought you this. I am a curse. The cause of your every pain. Endless days pass by but I am forever in darkness. How can I be joyful when you are in so much pain? How am I worthy of being your soul mate when I striped away all of your light and beauty? All the happiness and sanity that you had in your grasp? Ohh how I wished everything would have been different. If you had only obeyed your mother and not gone to Earth, you would be living... I would be living, and there could have been happiness... There would be no guilt, no depression, and no darkness that consumes us. But if I had not met you, I would never know what true love was. I had always longed for this... I look at you, a bundle in my arms as you looks up at me, your eyes tearful as you bury your face within my shirt. One day I'll make it up to you. One day I'll give you true happiness. One day I'll make you forget the pain. One day I'll bid no more tears upon your eyes. If only that day was soon. Now that you remember, I could feel lonelier than I was when you did not. You use to hold enough light for the both of us, but now there is not even enough to sustain the life of a small daisy. This only led me headfirst into depression also. ~~~ Guilt. So thick. So deep... Almost like depression, but a cause. I sigh - this is an ongoing cycle. Like seasons floating away. Whenever I remember something that would make me smile, I would always look down at you and find myself so un-honored to smile, so un-honored to do anything is wallow in self-hatred for myself. The days of the end were coming soon, but I no longer counted. It did not matter to me anymore. Everything was already was like I wished... everything except the happy part. ~~~ Act 6 : Reincarnation It was a warm pure light that took us - the same cleansing light that enveloped me a thousand years ago. Was our punishment over yet? Had if finally come to an end? Yes, this punishment had evolved into becoming 'ours'. This punishment was a sick joke from the gods; they knew that I could not withstand being so close yet so far away from you. And instead of ignoring my wishes and have me be reborn and you to forget me, they listened. They agreed. They agreed for me to be with you. I, Endymion, would be forever bringing pain to you It was all some sick joke. This desolating heartache that tugged both out hearts was finally coming to an end. Soon we shall be reincarnated. Forgetting this period of horridness and decent into darkness - Forgetting the guilt inside of us. Guilt was a strong emotion; it stayed a side of you like a tempting devil willing you to do evil. It would stay there, and bug you, annoy you, and continue to cause you to have a weight on your shoulder. So hard to breath, so hard to think, so hard to do anything but wish that time would turn back it's clock. But I don't have the power to turn back the hands of time. All I had the power to do is turn around and weep softly. A wimp I am. And now, we stand, the light cleansing our descended souls. I could feel the burden be lifted from my shoulders - yet the dread still stayed. It stayed within me, as I could hear a voice inside me call out to me, "devil." I will have this burden lifted away, never to remember a single heartbreak - a day of emptiness - while you would be different. It will haunt you. When you lie down to sleep at night, you will recall the events happen again, and again, and again. It would never end for you. Because of I. You are still in my arms, relaxing, as you look up in my eyes. They were clear crystal blue, as you stroke my cheek. "Ai shiteru, ore no ai (I love you, my love)." Your hands softly lingered on my skin, tracing my jaw line so delicately, as I catch your hands and start to kiss every knuckle ever so slowly. "I know my destiny," you say softly, "I know what will become of me - I have broken the will of gods." You say, your eyes low. "It is not to late to break your bond, before we are reborn. It will be better for the both, it would be better for you." I was confused. It was not you that have commit such a sin. It was I. I had caused you to remember. I caused you all this pain. You had not done anything except killed yourself that fateful day so long ago. But that was a thousand years ago. We should not pick up the past... Your arms slip away from me, as you look around you, "it's so beautiful, this place. There is nothing, only light. No pain, no heartbreak, no death, no darkness, only light. Beautiful light. One can easily forget all and be lost within this beauty." "But forgetting is also I was to coward out of things." You stated in an end. You turn to me again, a smile softly playing on your lips, "Thank you for having me remember once more. If I have not - if I had continued to forget all, I would never live myself down. To forget the wonders of what my mother had done for me - what my senshis have sacrifice - what you have done for me." Your eyes look at me, deepness, so blue and so full of knowledge. One can easily sink in them. "I know your sacrifice - although I might say, I am not worth it. I am not worth all this problems. I am but a burden. A petty princess who falls when her emotions are too riled up. It is best if you forget me. I know you are to be bind in eternity to me - but I can prevent it. Because I have to agree to it also. That is a soul bond, when two souls are agreed to love unconditionally for all eternity." I stare. You cannot do this. I forbid it. You cannot leave me... We have gone though so much. Shared so much. Loved too much. And now, you speak of quitting? The Selenity that I love would never do such a thing. But time had flowed by so quickly, we both had changed - but why so this way? My mind begins to reel as I only thought of one explanation. "Am I not good enough?" That was what I asked you. You blinked at me, surprised with your mouth gapping at me. You shook your head. I can apprehend the confusion, the rejection, and the utter force of just shaking you and asking 'what is the matter with you?' "Endymion," your tongue careless my name so delicately, "you are perfect - but I am afraid. I am so afraid..." your voice wavers as tears began to fall. "What happens if I lose you again?" Was this what everything was about? Were you afraid that if you bind yourself with me I'll die again, leaving you alone once more? "You'll never lose me. No matter what, I'll always be in your heart. I'll always love you forever." "Even if you push me away, I'll cross over time to be with you. Even if it means that you'll never love me, it does not matter. As long as I am in some part of you..." You sob. Your arms are around my neck as you cry softly on my shoulder. "I love you." You whispered between your sobs. "And I Love You..." I stroke your hair as I softly continue on, "I'll cross over time to watch over your dreams... "I'll cross over time to protect you from any pain that might be hidden away in your mind. "I'll cross over time just to be with you." "Mamoru..." you whisper in my ear. Yes, mamoru... (protector) I will be your mamoru. I'll protect you, I'll make sure no pain will ever come to you. That you'll live in happiness. In tranquility, in serenity. I look within your eyes as they sparkled with tears. "I will always love you, forever will I be devoted to only you." You softly kiss my lips, the taste of sweet ecstasy filled my taste buds. Your kisses, they always taste like a sweet chocolate that is so intoxicating and addictive. The light around us intensified, as we could feel it take us away, two souls parting. "I will never forget - " You say, as we are pulled apart, our fingertips slightly lingering. "We'll be reincarnated into and era, a peaceful Utopia..." I call out to you, as we are truly separated, into a new world, into a new destiny, into a new fate. Maybe this time we'll be happy... ~~~ Now we've run across each other again I've crossed over time to watch over your dream... Hurry find it inside of yourself Lie your trembling shoulder upon mine... Our worlds have twice shattered apart Only we have yet been chosen... The darkness of the night is frightening I'll keep holding you tight Lying down, looking up at the wax sky The wind begins to blow carrying a requiem... When the day comes once again We'll be reincarnated into and era, a peaceful Utopia... The kind of marvelous feeling occurred when we met earlier it brings us closer, along the thread of memory, deep within the forest of my consciousness. The blue moon shines down on us. Our love is trying, but be calm Your travel with me, escaping the cold, lonely night Counting the beautiful shooting stars When the day comes once again We'll be reincarnated This I know for sure You are what I'm searching for aren't you? Lying down, looking up at the wax sky The wind begins to blow carrying a requiem... When the day comes once again We'll be reincarnated peaceful...again.... (Romanticized by Valerie Yoza, written by Seki Masao, Mamoru's monologue from "In Another Dream") ~~~ End ~~~ Wow... I have written anything for awhile that's by myself. It sure feels good to write something! I hope this story makes sense... and if it doesn't then damn it. Hehehe... ^^ anyhow, email is good! And visit my page! It really needs some fanfics... (hint hint nudge nudge wink wink AHEM!) that was actually an inside joke to my friends. well, minna, happy reading! *eternal angel*